Perfectionism is slowing me down!

I am a perfectionist.

I’m not sure when it started and it doesn’t look like it is going to end any time soon so I am just going to talk about it for a bit.

Let me throw a quote at you that I think is somewhat relevant to this topic:

“Art is never finished, only abandoned” –Leonardo Da Vinci

Whenever I set out to do anything (art, music, videos, this blog), I struggle with what I think is a desperate fear of failure. When I work up enough courage to actually start doing something, it feels great…for about 10 minutes. Then the perfectionist inside starts to criticise every single detail until the work before me becomes awful and I feel ashamed of how I can produce something so awful. Any attempts to fix the problems that I made up are useless because it only makes it worse. So I give up and throw it all away.

I started at least 3 blogs before I made this one, all deleted. I have tried about the same amount of YouTube channels, all deleted. None of the content I ever produced was ever good enough. I was boring, I looked silly, my username was never good enough. My attempts would last a couple of months before I scrapped it all. This need to be perfect has only stopped me from improving which is so frustrating. Not just that, but my fear of failing again is so strong that I don’t even try anymore. And that is just plain stupid.

When I made this blog, something changed. I still struggle every single day, and I really hate my blog, but I didn’t delete it. I want my content to be bad, I want to go off on tangents, and forget my point because that is me, because then I can learn and improve. I can’t express how anxious it makes me to have all these posts that I am not happy with, but if I don’t stick with it, then I really never will be good enough.

I’m not entirely sure what my point was or even if there was a point but I guess like with everything I post on this blog, I want to talk about my struggles. I think it helps to know someone else out there might know what you are going through.

If I have any advice for someone who is going through this, it would have to be stop fearing failure. Produce bad content! The only way to improve is to try, fail, and try again. Don’t do things to be good, do it because you love it. Something I’ve noticed – people like passion more than they like perfection.

I don’t want to be a prisoner to perfectionism anymore so, hopefully, we’ll be seeing a lot more bad content from me. Feel free to tell me how to improve.

Farewell, until we meet again.

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Heatwaves, Depression, and Future Plans

Ah, to find the energy to work, I would do anything.

As an update from my last post, the motivation is back but I now lack the drive. Probably due to this incessant heatwave. I can’t take it anymore. I have never liked hot weather, but this is just ridiculous.

I have filmed a few videos for my YouTube but I don’t know when, if at all, I am going to edit and upload them. If I do know one thing, it is that I can’t take these long breaks anymore. It just makes it even harder to come back and get into the system again. So we have to have an action plan.

My plan is basically to post whatever I can. That could be an update, a review, a rant, maybe even a short story – anything as long as I keep working. The second part of the plan is to do videos as well. I have started this by trying to go on YouNow and do live videos to get used to talking to a camera. It’s awkward and it gets harder the less you do it. The third part of the plan is to spend extra time studying, researching, and making stuff. That way, I will always have ideas for what to post about.

I apologise for the absence and lack of decent content. I’m working on it and maybe my next post can be a more detailed look at depression and other mental illnesses.

This post is a mess.

Please leave some ideas for blog posts. Things will return to a normal schedule soon.

Thank you.