Good things about this year.

I always see the negative in life. It is just the louder part. If 99 people hug you and one person punches you, you don’t remember the 99 positives, you always remember the 1 negative. So I wanted to make a list of things that happened this year that are positive. That way, I always have this post to look back on.

  • The Unicorn cake. It was one of the biggest, most exhausting projects I’ve ever done (especially at a time where my energy levels are crazy low) and it really paid off. Experiences like that is what makes everything worth it. It may not seem like a lot to some people but it was a lot for me. It was my passion for baking, art, and hard work all being used. Hopefully, I can do stuff like this again next year. Big projects with planning and work that pays off into this masterpiece (which I don’t think is too grandiose a term).
  • Lip piercing. Much like the tattoo I got last year, this piercing is something I have wanted for many years. Actually 7 years. Ever since I started watching WWE again after a 2 year break back in 2011. I turned on the screen and, immediately, CM Punk became my favourite ever. I agreed with everything he stood for in and out the ring and absolutely idolised him (a childish trait I later grew out of). Ever since then, I wanted a piercing in the same place as he has his. And even though I haven’t thought much about him in the last few years since I stopped watching WWE so much and he left, I still really wanted the piercing for more than just CM Punk. It just became part of who I want to be, it means a lot to me, and it looks really cool.
  • I kept this blog going. In regular me fashion, I would have already given up hope on this blog, tried out a new name for me to go by, gotten bored of my usernames, and deleted most of my social media. For some reason, I didn’t this year. Maybe because I feel settled and comfortable with Raven so everything with that name feels right and falls into place, maybe because this time this blog is actually talking about things that are really important to me, maybe because I am so fed up with not doing anything with my life that I am now determined to complete my goals. I’m not sure but what I can say is:
  • Who I am feels right. I have been confused and I have hated myself for most of my life but as I have been reading into things and learning, I have learned so much about myself and who I am. I finally understand what I am in terms of gender (or lack thereof) and I am okay with that. I understand my mental state and why I feel the way I feel, for the most part. It’s all okay. I am okay with who I am.
  • Languages! I resumed my learning of French and German, and decided to learn some other languages. Not necessarily to become fluent in but just to learn some conversational language. My list right now, in order of priority to me, goes: Japanese, French, German, Greek, Italian, Icelandic, Samoan. All very beautiful languages that are very fun to learn, but also very tricky.
  • I have learned so much. Sure there has been a lot of pain this year, but I’d be lying if I said I haven’t learnt something every time. People come and go but I will always have myself. I can’t force myself to get better (be that physically, emotionally, or with the skills I’m learning). It takes time, patience, determination hard work, perseverance, and a lot of hope and optimism.

I hope that next year will bring much joy and lessons learned.

Farewell, until we meet again.

One year on this blog!

It’s been a long year but somehow, someway, I’m still here today.

I wish I could make the same tired promise that I’m going to be posting more regularly and it will get more interesting and that there will be a structure but its just simply not true. I can’t make that promise.

What I can promise is no matter how unproductive, unmotivated, and exhausted I feel, I will not give up on this blog. It is something I have been fighting for for my whole life and nobody can take it from me. I know I have so much to give, there are countless ideas and stories in my brain and I am eager to get them out of my head and into the rest of the world’s heads. The tricky part is finding the words to do that.

What’s to come for the next year? I will try to do more projects like tricky cakes, crafts, and whatever other artsy challenges I want to give the old college try. Even if they are once-in-a-while things, I feel like quality is better than quantity? I also want to do more reviews and opinion-based posts for things like food (meals and treats), games, and other things that people suggest. Feel free to leave a comment about anything else you would like to see on this blog.

Overall, I’m proud of what I’ve achieved this year. I have 23 more posts than I did a year ago, 28 more followers. I now have a year of blog writing experience, something that can only help with my future work. I’ve learned an awful lot about blogs and just how hard they are to keep up. Seriously. I don’t know how people manage to keep successful blogs up for years without running out of ideas or motivation. It’s crazy. But most of all, I am proud of my perseverance. I didn’t give up, a fact that will always shock me. This blog has lasted for a whole year and I can’t wait to see it go on for many more.

Thank you for reading, thank you for sticking around.

20…The big 2-0 and why it’s already bad.

On Tuesday, I turned 20. How unprepared I was.

I wish I’d had some event planned, a party, a get together, an idea for a video or a blog? Nope. Let it fly by like everything else.

The things I hoped I would have achieved by now, I have barely started. Life really is what happens when you plan.

It’s weird. When you are younger, like 10 or something, you think of all the things you will finally be able to do when you are grown up but then you grow up and and somehow you can do less. Too depressed and anxious to work, too tired to take care of myself, and desperately clinging onto the hope of future success.

On a lighter note, what have I achieved?

I have a tattoo and colourful hair (something I’ve wanted since I was 6), I finally have a lip piercing (11 year old me would be proud), I’ve had a blog for almost a year now, I took a giant leap of faith and left school when I was 15, I call myself an artist and a creator even though I have yet to make any earning from either of those titles. It’s what I am and I will stand up and own it until it gets me where I need to go.

What’s my next step? What do I want to have achieved and what should I do about it?

I wish I’d kept doing acting and singing, perhaps that is something I could incorporate into my YouTube videos, of course I would have to get better at it first. It used to give me confidence and it is always fun to play the role of someone that isn’t me. I was actually a pretty good actor, even if I was 7. Be confident.

I wish I’d been more social and less terrified of people. Granted, there isn’t much I can do about my crippling social anxiety but regularly talking to (and not avoiding) the one friend I do have would be one hell of a start. Also, to stop being so scared of rejection that I won’t text first or make any plans. How will someone know I want to talk to them if I don’t tell them. Be courageous.

I wish I hadn’t given up on art after my art teacher basically told me I was crap. I loved what I was doing up to that point, art has always been my life. I need to stay true and keep producing the art that I love and share it with the world. Be dedicated.

Those are the main ones. If I think of more things, I will add it to my goals for next year and keep my progress on the blog. The things I just mentioned will definitely be going on next years goal list. I no longer want to let fear hold me back from achieving my dreams. And stop letting self-loathing spoil my confidence.

Advice to me, from me…

I wanted to talk a little bit about some of the mistakes or misjudgements I have made throughout my life and what I would say to myself if I was my friend (or something like that). I’m still very young so I hope I can learn from these things because I don’t want the things of my past to take over my future. Hopefully, somebody else can relate to this. These are just some of the mistakes I have made:

  • Judging people for their mistakes – even if you are right about them doing the wrong thing, give them a break. Realistically, you don’t know what they are going through in their own head. Please understand their decision, and help them back onto the right path when things don’t go well.
  • Being too overprotective with the people you care about – It is good to care, don’t ever stop loving, caring, and helping, but the people you love don’t always want what is best for them. You can’t save everyone. Say your piece, then let them make their own choice, they will find their way when they are ready.
  • Being too overbearing with people who treat you kindly – just because somebody was nice to you that one time, it doesn’t mean they are your best friend. Accept that not everybody will like you as much as you like them.
  • Pushing away the people you should hold close – however, some people do like you as much as you like them, don’t push them away because you are too scared to get hurt again. Let yourself get hurt, the pain is worth it to find a true friend who will stand by you.
  • The countless times I have felt guilty for being overweight – it is okay, as long as you are improving your diet, getting your exercise, and taking care of yourself, it is okay; the weight will go eventually. Don’t feel guilty.
  • Letting what people think of me control my life – stop hiding away because somebody said you are weird, you don’t have to prove anything to anybody. Be yourself. If people can’t see you for who you really are, you don’t need them.
  • Becoming obsessive about the past – you need to move on. You can’t spend days and nights coming up with things you could have said or done. People leave your life, you can’t get them back by wishful thinking. Talk to them, or move on, or both.

“Forget the past but never forget what it taught you”.


What advice would you give yourself?

Goals of 2018…8 Months Later

Lose Weight

Since my last goal update, I have lost 26lbs (nearly 2 stone)! I have still got a ways to go but it seems to be getting better. I have developed a weird thing, for lack of a better word, where I was eating cookies and ice cream, which should be this delicious treat, and I was not enjoying it. Then I was eating steamed vegetables and hummus, or avocado salad, and I was on cloud nine. Surely something has gone wrong when salad is more appealing than cookies and ice cream, right? But at least that’d explain the weight loss.

I have definitely lost weight, I’d say this goal is a success. Huzzah!

6 Books Read

I have made a little progress. I am currently reading 5 books – well, I say reading, what I really mean is avoiding it like the plague and then feeling really guilty that I didn’t do some reading. It’s not even that the books aren’t enjoyable or interesting, I just don’t have the motivation. I’m not sure I can read 4 1/2 books in 3 months. Bit of a challenge.

10 Projects Completed

Not entirely sure what I initially classed as a project. I have definitely kept busy. A quick instagram check and browse around my room tells me that I have completed 6 projects that I can find (blanket, mitten, pug, chibi drawings, unicorn earrings, clay cats), and have about 2 projects in progress.

Whoaaaa we’re halfway there, WHOOOOOOAAAAAAA….

Make Progress On Story

I think I gave up on this one. I think I decided that I was going to put more attention into reading and my blog…glad that decision paid off.

Start Selling on etsy

Technically, right, I did. Nobody bought anything, then I ran out of energy. However, a few people have shown interest in possibly buying a few of my things and hopefully, as my blog and instagram grow a bit, more people will be interested. Probably not until next year though.

I have quite a few ideas of stuff to sell, hang tight. Also, if you see anything on my blog or instagram that you might want to buy, let me know.

100 Followers on this blog

24, as of right now

Start Education Blog

I did it, then I decided that I really didn’t need two blogs. I merged them, now we are one. I like it better like this. It will be a good mix of personal things and the stuff I’m passionate about.

 

To conclude, fatigue and ambition: good combo, they are not. Yet, somehow, I have done some stuff. And I am more active on my blog now, as well. Let’s hope that sticks.


To all of you,

You have to know how difficult it is for me to find the words to express whatever nonsense is going on in my head. It’s almost as tricky as it is for RUN-DMC to rock a rhyme on time (not my joke).

So, it goes without saying (but I’ll say it anyway) but I really appreciate you taking the time out of your day to read my rambling mess of a blog.

There is so much more for me to talk about, this really is only the beginning. With my perseverance and your support, we can really make something great.

Thank you for reading.

-Raven


QOTD: What would you like me to talk about on this blog?

Heatwaves, Depression, and Future Plans

Ah to find the energy to work, I would do anything.

The motivation is back but I now lack the drive. Probably due to this incessant heatwave. I can’t take it anymore. I have never liked hot weather, but this is just ridiculous.

I have filmed a few videos for my YouTube but I don’t know when, if at all, I am going to edit and upload them. If I do know one thing, it is that I can’t take these long breaks anymore. It just makes it even harder to come back and get into the system again. So we have to have an action plan.

My plan is basically to post whatever I can. That could be an update, a review, a rant, maybe even a short story – anything as long as I keep working. The second part of the plan is to do videos as well. I have started this by trying to go on YouNow and do live videos to get used to talking to a camera. It’s awkward and it gets harder the less you do it. The third part of the plan is to spend extra time studying, researching, and making stuff. That way, I will always have ideas for what to post about.

I apologise for the absence and lack of decent content. I’m working on it and maybe my next post can be a more detailed look at depression and other mental illnesses.

This post is a mess.

Please leave some ideas for blog posts. Things will return to a normal schedule soon.

Thank you.

Goals of 2018…4 Months Later

Lose Weight

So far, I haven’t as much lost weight as I have maintained my weight. With that being said, I have changed diet quite a lot to include more vegetables and beans, and a lot less bread (which I have a tendency to comfort eat)

I have also been using the earthmiles app to encourage me to do more walking. They offer discounts on health and fitness foods, drinks, clothes, and other equipment.

6 Books Read

I have read one book so far: The Silence of the Lambs by Thomas Harris. I am currently reading 3 other books so, hopefully, I will finish those soon. I would say that I’m on schedule.

10 Projects Completed

I didn’t exactly specify what “project” meant exactly. I have been keeping busy. I have completed one drawing so far. I have about 4 other projects lined up.

Make Progress On Story

In November, I started to write a short story which developed into a linger story idea, possibly even a novel. I got stuck on a certain part of the plot and took a break to think about it. It’s been 6 months. I still haven’t figured it out. This is a goal that I am not keeping up with. I’m glad I didn’t this update, though, as it has reminded me to get back to work.

Start Selling on etsy

Since 4 months ago, I have adjusted and changed my goal ideas for selling things. I still want to sell stuff that I’ve made, but I have decided two things: a) I want to open my own shop on my own website, and, b) I want to out more focus into this blog and simply do not have the time to have a shop right now.

My Etsy shop is open and I’m selling a few bits, but for the time being, I don’t want to put anything else on there. So this goal is done.

100 Followers on this blog

I have high hopes for my blogs. I would like to have at least 100 followers on this blog and my other blog by the end of the year.

I know that if I want to achieve this, I have to keep the quality of my posts to a high (or higher) standard, and I need to post way more often. It had been hard for me to keep up to date with this blog, what with mental health getting in the way, but I will always keep trying to make this blog everything I want it to be.

Start Education Blog

Whoop! A goal I have actually done! My education blog is TFORCERAVEN, a name that I might change in the future; I am taking suggestions. I don’t post as often as I would like (big shocker there) but it is up! It exists and I have ideas and posts lined up and ready to happen.

 

To conclude, I think I am making good progress with my goals. My main goal (which isn’t listed here) is to take more time out of the day to work on my blogs. They have the potential to be really good and it sucks that right now, they aren’t so good.


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QOTD: What posts would you like to see on this blog?