Perfectionism is slowing me down!

I am a perfectionist.

I’m not sure when it started and it doesn’t look like it is going to end any time soon so I am just going to talk about it for a bit.

Let me throw a quote at you that I think is somewhat relevant to this topic:

“Art is never finished, only abandoned” –Leonardo Da Vinci

Whenever I set out to do anything (art, music, videos, this blog), I struggle with what I think is a desperate fear of failure. When I work up enough courage to actually start doing something, it feels great…for about 10 minutes. Then the perfectionist inside starts to criticise every single detail until the work before me becomes awful and I feel ashamed of how I can produce something so awful. Any attempts to fix the problems that I made up are useless because it only makes it worse. So I give up and throw it all away.

I started at least 3 blogs before I made this one, all deleted. I have tried about the same amount of YouTube channels, all deleted. None of the content I ever produced was ever good enough. I was boring, I looked silly, my username was never good enough. My attempts would last a couple of months before I scrapped it all. This need to be perfect has only stopped me from improving which is so frustrating. Not just that, but my fear of failing again is so strong that I don’t even try anymore. And that is just plain stupid.

When I made this blog, something changed. I still struggle every single day, and I really hate my blog, but I didn’t delete it. I want my content to be bad, I want to go off on tangents, and forget my point because that is me, because then I can learn and improve. I can’t express how anxious it makes me to have all these posts that I am not happy with, but if I don’t stick with it, then I really never will be good enough.

I’m not entirely sure what my point was or even if there was a point but I guess like with everything I post on this blog, I want to talk about my struggles. I think it helps to know someone else out there might know what you are going through.

If I have any advice for someone who is going through this, it would have to be stop fearing failure. Produce bad content! The only way to improve is to try, fail, and try again. Don’t do things to be good, do it because you love it. Something I’ve noticed – people like passion more than they like perfection.

I don’t want to be a prisoner to perfectionism anymore so, hopefully, we’ll be seeing a lot more bad content from me. Feel free to tell me how to improve.

Farewell, until we meet again.

Personality Traits I Am Proud Of (and you should be too)

Honesty

I am an open book. I don’t lie, I don’t have secrets. If you ask me for my honest opinion, you can trust that I will give you a brutal truth before I’d give you a kind lie. That doesn’t mean that I just go around insulting everyone, I’ll always do my best to be as kind as possible. I just believe that, yes, the truth hurts but lies are worse (how can I live anymore?).

That also doesn’t mean that people are entitled to my entire life story just because I’m honest. I will only tell you if I choose to. I don’t have secrets, but I do have privacy.

Loyalty

Like a puppy. I love people very easily and very unconditionally. I defend them and try my hardest to protect them. Especially those closest to me. I also know, however, when somebody is toxic and will remove those people from my life if they are bringing me down. It isn’t easy to let people go and it brings me great pain to do that but sometimes there is no other way.

Passion

If something is important or interesting enough to me, I go all in and become enthralled with it – almost to the point of obsession. That can be good and bad. Good because it is a lot easier to focus and learn something interesting if you are extremely passionate about it. Bad because sometimes I can become too interested in a person- the way they act, their personality, and so on. I end up coming off very strong and some people really don’t like that, so I’ve been told.

I always have the kindest of intentions though. It is just a fascination that will pass in time.

Determination

The thing about failure is, you only fail when you decide to stop trying. I suck at so many things (including this blog) but I will keep fighting to improve until I achieve the greatness that I know I’m capable of.

“If at first you don’t succeed, try try try again”

Hope

In my darkest moments, I have really wanted my life to end. A feeling that is with me on a daily basis, despite my severe death anxiety. I struggle to see the light at the end of the tunnel but I have to keep going. I can’t let my enemies win. I can’t let my goals and hard work go to waste.

Hope is what gets me out of bed. Hope is what makes me see the good in the worst of people. Hope is the reason I am still alive.

Be your biggest cheerleader and never stop being proud of your good qualities.

Love yourself.

Farewell, until we meet again.

Advice to me, from me…

I wanted to talk a little bit about some of the mistakes or misjudgements I have made throughout my life and what I would say to myself if I was my friend (or something like that). I’m still very young so I hope I can learn from these things because I don’t want the things of my past to take over my future. Hopefully, somebody else can relate to this. These are just some of the mistakes I have made:

  • Judging people for their mistakes – even if you are right about them doing the wrong thing, give them a break. Realistically, you don’t know what they are going through in their own head. Please understand their decision, and help them back onto the right path when things don’t go well.
  • Being too overprotective with the people you care about – It is good to care, don’t ever stop loving, caring, and helping, but the people you love don’t always want what is best for them. You can’t save everyone. Say your piece, then let them make their own choice, they will find their way when they are ready.
  • Being too overbearing with people who treat you kindly – just because somebody was nice to you that one time, it doesn’t mean they are your best friend. Accept that not everybody will like you as much as you like them.
  • Pushing away the people you should hold close – however, some people do like you as much as you like them, don’t push them away because you are too scared to get hurt again. Let yourself get hurt, the pain is worth it to find a true friend who will stand by you.
  • The countless times I have felt guilty for being overweight – it is okay, as long as you are improving your diet, getting your exercise, and taking care of yourself, it is okay; the weight will go eventually. Don’t feel guilty.
  • Letting what people think of me control my life – stop hiding away because somebody said you are weird, you don’t have to prove anything to anybody. Be yourself. If people can’t see you for who you really are, you don’t need them.
  • Becoming obsessive about the past – you need to move on. You can’t spend days and nights coming up with things you could have said or done. People leave your life, you can’t get them back by wishful thinking. Talk to them, or move on, or both.

“Forget the past but never forget what it taught you”.


What advice would you give yourself?