Goals of 2018…8 Months Later

Lose Weight

Since my last goal update, I have lost 26lbs (nearly 2 stone)! I have still got a ways to go but it seems to be getting better. I have developed a weird thing, for lack of a better word, where I was eating cookies and ice cream, which should be this delicious treat, and I was not enjoying it. Then I was eating steamed vegetables and hummus, or avocado salad, and I was on cloud nine. Surely something has gone wrong when salad is more appealing than cookies and ice cream, right? But at least that’d explain the weight loss.

I have definitely lost weight, I’d say this goal is a success. Huzzah!

6 Books Read

I have made a little progress. I am currently reading 5 books – well, I say reading, what I really mean is avoiding it like the plague and then feeling really guilty that I didn’t do some reading. It’s not even that the books aren’t enjoyable or interesting, I just don’t have the motivation. I’m not sure I can read 4 1/2 books in 3 months. Bit of a challenge.

10 Projects Completed

Not entirely sure what I initially classed as a project. I have definitely kept busy. A quick instagram check and browse around my room tells me that I have completed 6 projects that I can find (blanket, mitten, pug, chibi drawings, unicorn earrings, clay cats), and have about 2 projects in progress.

Whoaaaa we’re halfway there, WHOOOOOOAAAAAAA….

Make Progress On Story

I think I gave up on this one. I think I decided that I was going to put more attention into reading and my blog…glad that decision paid off.

Start Selling on etsy

Technically, right, I did. Nobody bought anything, then I ran out of energy. However, a few people have shown interest in possibly buying a few of my things and hopefully, as my blog and instagram grow a bit, more people will be interested. Probably not until next year though.

I have quite a few ideas of stuff to sell, hang tight. Also, if you see anything on my blog or instagram that you might want to buy, let me know.

100 Followers on this blog

24, as of right now

Start Education Blog

I did it, then I decided that I really didn’t need two blogs. I merged them, now we are one. I like it better like this. It will be a good mix of personal things and the stuff I’m passionate about.


To conclude, fatigue and ambition: good combo, they are not. Yet, somehow, I have done some stuff. And I am more active on my blog now, as well. Let’s hope that sticks.

To all of you,

You have to know how difficult it is for me to find the words to express whatever nonsense is going on in my head. It’s almost as tricky as it is for RUN-DMC to rock a rhyme on time (not my joke).

So, it goes without saying (but I’ll say it anyway) but I really appreciate you taking the time out of your day to read my rambling mess of a blog.

There is so much more for me to talk about, this really is only the beginning. With my perseverance and your support, we can really make something great.

Thank you for reading.


QOTD: What would you like me to talk about on this blog?

Fatigue, depression, and daily life.

My motivation to continue this blog is getting stronger every day, but with each day comes more exhaustion. It is a constant battle. I never know what to say or how to quite put it into words. This blog was never supposed to exit the subject of my passions for art, psychology, health, and other things which I could talk for hours on end about, but I can’t keep that up when there is something nagging in my ear on a daily basis. I never talk about my illnesses. I never wanted this blog to be all that personal. But this blog has become nonexistent in the last few months when it once seemed like it was going somewhere. I have planned out post after post after post. I probably have at least 20 bits of paper full of information ready to be adapted into a post, but I simply don’t have it in me to do it.

I am so tired. Every day I have to force myself out of bed. Then I have to decide what it is I do that day: cook, clean, shower, or work? I only have the energy for one, sometimes not even that. I go days without doing any of it.

Everybody tells me to try harder, that all I need is a better diet and some exercise and I’ll be fine. I know the truth. I know it is way more than that. My diet is far from being perfect, I know that, but it isn’t bad. Certainly not bad enough to feel like this. So maybe exercise? When the exhaustion first hit, I had a good diet and I was doing a good 15 – 20 minutes of exercise per day. The reason it stopped was because I got too tired to carry on. It can’t be that. I was healthy when it happened so it can’t be lifestyle.

“Lazy” feels like somebody is pouring lava in my eyes. Few things in life hurt more than hearing the word “lazy” directed at me. I think back to 2 – 3 years ago, going out and seeing people all day, cooking healthy meals, keeping things clean and tidy. Life was good. You think that if I had a choice of things to do in a day, I would choose to sit and do nothing all day? Oh, god no! If I had the energy, I would have made it through my Month of May challenge to cook a different European meal everyday. I got two days in before the energy disappeared and never came back. I would have gotten a job, my dream job, writing a blog and creating videos. Something I thought I would have achieved by now, considering I’ve been working for this for 10 years. But I just can’t do it. I do so much but instead I’m stuck here feeling like crap.

No diagnosis. Nobody knows what’s wrong with me. Nobody knows how to help me. There seems to be no end to the way I am feeling. I apologise deeply for the lack of posts, and if this post was jumbled up and all over the place, I just don’t know what I’m doing anymore.

If anybody knows any way to help, please let me know. I’m stuck in this limbo of nothingness and and I am completely out of ideas.

My Life With Depression & Why I Keep Disappearing (personal update)

This will not be like my usual posts. This is more of a personal update.

When I started this blog, I wanted everything to be positive so I never wanted to talk about my struggle with depression. Now, I see how stupid that plan was because it isn’t easy to stay positive on a blog when everything in your head is negative. Ignoring it didn’t help so I just ended up avoiding work altogether. I would like this to change.

Addressing my depression isn’t about being positive or negative, it is about getting the reality of my illness into the open. And it is an illness. Some days I feel okay, I can get stuff done, I can cook, clean, and work until ridiculous hours of the morning. But then there are the bad days. The days where I can barely move, I can’t get out of bed, I can’t even begin to think about anything.

For a while there, a little over a month, things were pretty good. I thought maybe the depression was starting to go away since I was doing so much work and had so much motivation. But I was wrong. Since my last blog post, I have sat at this computer most every day trying to find motivation to write or draw or something; anything that I could put on here because I love this blog and I desperately want to keep it going so it can improve and grow.

So the question for me to figure out is what do I do now? I really don’t know. Maybe I will do more updates. I could talk more about personal stuff, more about the good and bad days of depression. This is temporary, I don’t know how long it will last but it will end.


Goals of 2018…4 Months Later

Lose Weight

So far, I haven’t as much lost weight as I have maintained my weight. With that being said, I have changed diet quite a lot to include more vegetables and beans, and a lot less bread (which I have a tendency to comfort eat)

I have also been using the earthmiles app to encourage me to do more walking. They offer discounts on health and fitness foods, drinks, clothes, and other equipment.

6 Books Read

I have read one book so far: The Silence of the Lambs by Thomas Harris. I am currently reading 3 other books so, hopefully, I will finish those soon. I would say that I’m on schedule.

10 Projects Completed

I didn’t exactly specify what “project” meant exactly. I have been keeping busy. I have completed one drawing so far. I have about 4 other projects lined up.

Make Progress On Story

In November, I started to write a short story which developed into a linger story idea, possibly even a novel. I got stuck on a certain part of the plot and took a break to think about it. It’s been 6 months. I still haven’t figured it out. This is a goal that I am not keeping up with. I’m glad I didn’t this update, though, as it has reminded me to get back to work.

Start Selling on etsy

Since 4 months ago, I have adjusted and changed my goal ideas for selling things. I still want to sell stuff that I’ve made, but I have decided two things: a) I want to open my own shop on my own website, and, b) I want to out more focus into this blog and simply do not have the time to have a shop right now.

My Etsy shop is open and I’m selling a few bits, but for the time being, I don’t want to put anything else on there. So this goal is done.

100 Followers on this blog

I have high hopes for my blogs. I would like to have at least 100 followers on this blog and my other blog by the end of the year.

I know that if I want to achieve this, I have to keep the quality of my posts to a high (or higher) standard, and I need to post way more often. It had been hard for me to keep up to date with this blog, what with mental health getting in the way, but I will always keep trying to make this blog everything I want it to be.

Start Education Blog

Whoop! A goal I have actually done! My education blog is TFORCERAVEN, a name that I might change in the future; I am taking suggestions. I don’t post as often as I would like (big shocker there) but it is up! It exists and I have ideas and posts lined up and ready to happen.


To conclude, I think I am making good progress with my goals. My main goal (which isn’t listed here) is to take more time out of the day to work on my blogs. They have the potential to be really good and it sucks that right now, they aren’t so good.

I am starting a weekly newsletter for my patreon. It will list upcoming posts, upcoming events, behind the scenes pictures, discount codes, and more. This newsletter is available to any and all patrons. 

For more details on rewards, visit my patreon page here

Your support is appreciated!

QOTD: What posts would you like to see on this blog?

Reading Bucket List

A Brief History of Time – Stephen Hawking

A Child Called ‘It’ – Dave Pelzer

A Christmas Carol – Charles Dickens

A Song of Ice and Fire – George R. R. Martin

Adventures of Huckleberry Finn – Mark Twain

Alice’s Adventure’s in Wonderland – Lewis Carroll

Bourne Trilogy – Robert Ludlum

Kidnapped – Robert Louis Stevenson

Moby Dick – Herman Melville

Percy Jackson & the Olympians Series – Rick Riordan

Pride and Prejudice – Jane Austen

The Adventures of Tom Sawyer – Mark Twain

The Hunger Games Trilogy -Suzanne Collins

The Jungle Book – Rudyard Kipling

The Pixar Theory – John Negroni

The Secret Garden – Frances Hodgson Burnett

The Silence of the Lambs – Thomas Harris

Treasure Island – Robert Louis Stevenson



In defence of Valentine’s Day

I do not know who St. Valentine was; I know nothing about him – what he did, when he was, or if he was even a real guy. All I know is he has a day named after him. Like a lot of other holidays and celebrations, this one has most definitely lost it’s meaning. I’m not sure what it started out as, but I have always known today is the day where we celebrate love. This day is generally recognised as the day couples get together and be all lovey-dovey while us single pringles are all alone and miserable. But I disagree with that.

I have never been in a relationship. I have never been anyone’s anything and that’s okay with me. I don’t feel like my life will only be complete if I have somebody to call my “boyfriend” or “girlfriend”. I’m just not interested in going out of my way to find that. What I am interested in, is love. Love is such an important emotion; it makes the world go round. I have so much (probably too much) love in my heart and I love every single person in this world, no matter what. I always see the good in even the worst of people.

A lot of cynical people want to claim that Valentine’s Day is just another reason to spend a load of money, “it’s propaganda”, they say. “You should do nice things on a random day and it will be more special”. That’s all true but the same can be said for all other holidays and occasions. We have this day because what other day of the year do you walk out the door and see hearts and chocolate everywhere you turn? Why is there a problem with celebrating love? You don’t need to spend money to have a good time. You can do DIY decorations, cook a nice meal, snuggle up on the sofa and watch a movie, the possibilities are endless. It doesn’t always have to be a grandiose gesture.

The message I want to deliver is that Valentine’s Day is a day to love. Whether that love is towards your significant other, your parents, your children, your family, your friend, your pet, or yourself – celebrate it. Even if it’s just to say how much you love them.

Love Each Other

QOTD: Do you celebrate Valentine’s Day? What do you do?

Goals for 2018

New year, fresh start. The slate is clean. That means it’s time for some new goals. I may add some more at a later date but as of today these are my goals for the year:

Lose Weight

It’s my goal every year. It is a very difficult task. I will not let myself fail this time. As the year progresses, I will post about my progress and any tips and tricks I pick up along the way.

6 Books Read

Every year I promise myself that I will read one book every month but I never actually complete that. I seem to never find time to read. So this year, I’ve made the goal a little easier – one book every 2 months. That way, there is plenty of time to squeeze a few chapters here and there.

10 Projects Completed

Last year, I had a sudden burst of creativity and I realised just how much I missed making things. That was actually the reason I created this blog. To track any projects I do and to motivate myself to be more productive. I didn’t want the type of project to be specific so I don’t feel limited on what to do. But whether it is drawing, painting, knitting, sewing, crafts, whatever, I want to create more.

Make Progress On Story

Last month, I started writing a short story, which turned into a long story, then I took a break for an indefinite amount of time. This year, I may not finish it, but I at least want to get a first rough draft written.

Start Selling On Etsy

I have wanted to sell on etsy for years now but I never knew what I was doing. I hope to get my shop up by the end of the month. Everything is nearly ready

100 Followers On This Blog

Of course I want this blog to grow. I want to spread my message of staying productive and positive to as many people as possible. My aim for this year is 100 followers. As things are going to get more interesting with me this year, I will have plenty to talk about.

Start Education Blog

This one is at my fingertips. I have wanted to do this for so so long. I was originally going to do videos instead (and I still may do) but I decided a blog would be easier for me to get my message across, at least for now. I want to teach people anything and everything because I know how badly the public school system failed me. I want to try to give some knowledge so people can learn what they didn’t learn in school. Leave a comment if you have anything specific that you would like to learn about.

That is all the goals so far.

I will go into more detail about how I’m going to achieve each goal in the next few posts to come. I will also update this post if I complete anything or add something new. Here’s to a new year and I look forward to spending it with all of you who decide to read my blogs. It is much appreciated.

QOTD: What are your goals for this year?