My Life With Depression & Why I Keep Disappearing (personal update)

This will not be like my usual posts. This is more of a personal update.

When I started this blog, I wanted everything to be positive so I never wanted to talk about my struggle with depression. Now, I see how stupid that plan was because it isn’t easy to stay positive on a blog when everything in your head is negative. Ignoring it didn’t help so I just ended up avoiding work altogether. I would like this to change.

Addressing my depression isn’t about being positive or negative, it is about getting the reality of my illness into the open. And it is an illness. Some days I feel okay, I can get stuff done, I can cook, clean, and work until ridiculous hours of the morning. But then there are the bad days. The days where I can barely move, I can’t get out of bed, I can’t even begin to think about anything.

For a while there, a little over a month, things were pretty good. I thought maybe the depression was starting to go away since I was doing so much work and had so much motivation. But I was wrong. Since my last blog post, I have sat at this computer most every day trying to find motivation to write or draw or something; anything that I could put on here because I love this blog and I desperately want to keep it going so it can improve and grow.

So the question for me to figure out is what do I do now? I really don’t know. Maybe I will do more updates. I could talk more about personal stuff, more about the good and bad days of depression. This is temporary, I don’t know how long it will last but it will end.

 

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