Have you ever done something that you still think about it years later after everyone else has moved on? Such is the life of a socially awkward overthinker.
I am not sure why but I get really obsessive thoughts. It isn’t necessarily a bad thing, it very much depends on what I am obsessed with. For example, if I am obsessed with tea (which I am right now), that’s not so bad. I can just drink tea (made easier with the 1100 pack of typhoo from costco I now have PRAISE THE LORD). But sometimes it is a bad thing. Something scary, disturbing, etc. I will not be able to get the thought out of my head until the next thing comes along.
During the heaven that was my teenage years, the focus of my obsessive thoughts was a friend of mine. In theory, a person being my obsession is kind of a neutral thing as long as I don’t freak them out but that is not what happened and I think I really freaked him out. I’m sure at first maybe I came across as just a little bit weird and maybe even endearing but for whatever reason I kept pushing. Honestly, I have kind of blocked out a lot of what happened because it was not a good time of my life for various reasons but what I do remember was basically following him around way too much and constantly telling him how much I liked him. He eventually blocked me and wrote a message telling me why he didn’t like me and to back off. I left school not long after that (for unrelated reasons), and we never really spoke again. At the time, I couldn’t see anything wrong in what I was doing. I had good intentions and I told myself that he was out of line for being so mean but hindsight has shown me a different perspective.
You can imagine that after this series of events, I would take the rejection on the chin, learn from my mistakes and move on with my life. Of course not. The obsession with him did die down after that but it became more than that. I had acted so weird and stupid that I had driven away what could have been a good friend. I would spend the next few years feeling humiliated, ashamed, and really guilty whenever I thought about it. I wanted to apologise so badly and wrote many messages that I would always delete. I didn’t want to say anything because I didn’t want to bother him but one day last year, he posted a story asking people what they have always wanted to say to him. I said sorry, and anxiously waited his response.
He forgave me. I felt a world of guilt lift off of me. Now I know I can move on.
QOTD: What is your biggest regret?